


Hope

by serenesavagery (windrunnerdreamer)



Series: Adolin Speardancer and Kaladin Kholin [13]
Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Emotions, Gen, Introspection, Retrospective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23211208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windrunnerdreamer/pseuds/serenesavagery
Summary: Renarin looked at the bridgemen, eyes shining with awe."Father...Father told me they were nothing more than sodden bridgemen last he saw them. What did you do to them?"Adolin pursed his lips, smiling. "I didn't do anything, Prince Renarin. They started to hope. And sometimes, that's the most valuable gift a person can get."Or, how Adolin learnt that lesson of hope himself, in a bridge crew.
Relationships: Adolin Kholin & Mayalaran
Series: Adolin Speardancer and Kaladin Kholin [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527470
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Hope

Adolin stared down at the Honor Chasm, unable to believe he had contemplated jumping into it mere minutes ago. 

_"Too cowardly to go through with it, lordling?"_

Adolin hugged his knees, the cloth of the shirt warming him even though it was fraying at the end. 

"Boy, you were right." Adolin muttered to himself, sighing. 

He _had_ been too much of a coward to go through with it. He didn't want to think of what happened after he was dead. 

He didn't want that confirmation that Damnation would be waiting for him, despite every storming thing that had happened. 

Because he didn't deserve it. He just didn't. 

_Why should I go to Damnation?_ Adolin wondered now, scowling. 

For having wanted to save a person's life? 

But then...Adolin hugged his knees further, kicking a stone away as the rain started dropping on him slowly. 

He had killed so many people...and for what? 

To save his skin? To save his friends? 

_Surely that should be a good enough justification. But is anything a good justification for taking lives?_

_"That's ridiculous. You can't protect by killing. That's like blowing on a storm to make it go away."_

Then what was he to have storming _done_? Just stand by and let things go on? Just stand by and let Tien go to the army? 

Just stand by and watch as the people he loved go to Damnation?

_But then, wasn't that what I did? I stood by and..._

_And let Amaram kill Coreb. My friends._

The rain splattered down on him a bit faster. 

Stormfather. Were there easy answers to the questions he had? 

Adolin sighed again, his breath coming out as a sort of ragged mist. 

_Is there a way out of this nightmare? Because Kelek knows I need one._

_There has to be, right?_

_Right?_

Adolin blinked, clarity suddenly coming into his eyes, though he couldn't have described how if asked. 

Anger. 

What he was feeling right now. 

It was anger, raw and searing, powerful and boiling. 

_I shouldn't have to forget what has been done to my family, Tien, my friends._

_And what happened to me._

His blood started boiling and flowing faster, and he grit his jaw. 

_Amaram deserves to go to Damnation for what he did._

_Didn't he feel guilty? That glimmer of guilt in his eyes.._

_You didn't imagine that._

Adolin grabbed a stone and threw it at the chasm, clenching his jaw. 

"Feeling guilty isn't _enough, STORM YOU!_ " Adolin growled out at whatever was willing to listen to him- the Almighty, the storm cursed Voidbringers, the rain, whatever in the storms was _out_ there. 

But Amaram was out of his reach, as sure as the Thrill of battle and Adolin had to do something first. 

Survive. 

He licked his lips, dry and crusted from weeks of disuse, and bit on them. 

_I will survive._

And for that to happen, Adolin reflected, looking at the desolate plains around him, he'd have to get past that little issue of being stuck on a bridge crew. 

It had been the first time in months since he came up with something remotely sensible. Now he only had to forge on. 

Survive bridge runs. Then what? 

Adolin held his chin with his hand, thinking. 

He couldn't go out in Alethi society with a shash brand- he'd be eaten alive. 

How would he even get to society?

_"Do I even have to go back there? But...aren't my parents there?"_

_"I could see my parents, right?"_

Adolin shook his head. That wasn't a possibility. 

No matter...

No matter how much he wanted to see them, he couldn't. Not after how he failed to protect Tien. 

Even if he wanted to see his mother's smile once again, even if he wanted to listen to his father's voice, deep and reassuring, he couldn't. 

Adolin hung his head low. 

_"There are only two types of people in this world,"_

"'Those who save lives and those who take lives.'" 

And Lirin surely would not want to see how much of a killer his son had become. 

Adolin swallowed down the lump in his throat and inhaled. _Focus._

Fine. He didn't have to go back to Alethkar. 

Where then? Kharbranth? But those peaceful people would run away at the sight of him and then the city would be deserted. 

_Curses, Amaram. You cremling._

Amaram had planned well. Reentering society with a shash brand was close to impossible. 

That way, nothing Adolin ever did or said would get any credibility. 

_I won't let that stop me._

_I'm alive now, aren't I? So shut up and calm down._

He could just run away in the night. During a victory, so the soldiers would be drunkards and careless enough not to notice a bridgeman running somewhere far away. 

Then he'd just run off to some dilapidated, isolated village and just till the land. 

That sounded peaceful at the least. 

War only complicated everything anyway. 

A vine appeared on his wrist, and Adolin squinted at it. 

Was that little woodland spren coming back? 

The answer to that question, as Adolin found out, happened to be yes- the tiny spren came back with a flurry of mint scented leaves that dropped to the ground. 

The spren, _(Mayalaran, Maya,_ Adolin reminded himself firmly) stood on his palm, curious. 

"You're thinking of something." Maya said, curiously. 

Adolin shrugged. "I'm trying to run away from this nightmare, if you call that thinking." 

Maya studied him. "Leave this place?" 

Adolin nodded with another half shrug. "Yeah. It's not like there's anything for me here." 

Maya looked to the bridgemen, their nihilist nature now familiar to Adolin. "Were you not named a leader?" 

Adolin found himself chuckling, though it took an effort through his dry, cracked throat. "Well, I asked Gaz to name me leader of the bridge crew. But that isn't worth anything, really." 

Maya tilted her head. "Can a leader leave the people who he is to lead?" 

Adolin smiled slightly. This spren had the completely wrong idea of things. 

"They're not depending on me, Maya." He said softly. 

Once upon a time, men depended on him. But he only failed them. 

Tien depended on him. But he had failed Tien as well. 

"What if they were, in a way?" 

"They're broken men, Maya. They don't have the strength to live, let alone believe." 

"But you are broken too." 

"Almighty knows I am." Adolin said tiredly, exhaling. 

"And yet you had the strength to remember." 

Adolin looked at Maya sharply, but her eyes had the innocence of a child and yet...

Yet there was a depth to those scratched out, bright eyes. 

"To remember what?" Adolin asked carefully, suspicious. 

"To remember what you forgot, when you were dark." Maya said softly, her eyes never leaving his. 

Adolin clenched his jaw, eyes wide. 

Somehow, _storms_ take him, he understood those words. 

That's what he had been doing as a slave. That's what he had been trying to do. 

And it was _wrong._

So wrong in a sense that made Adolin tremble, that filled him with something terrible. 

All those days, when he had considered it a curse to breathe, he had forgotten his friends. His family. 

He had only known what to do next- like an animal. 

He had forgotten what it was to be human. 

Adolin drew in a shuddering, ragged breath. 

This spren...she wasn't ordinary. That was for certain. 

"What would you have me do, Maya?" Adolin asked curiously, leaning in forward. 

Maya looked confused but then resolute. "I don't know what it is I am to do. But I remember looking for _you,_ Adolin." 

"Why?" 

"Because you were a hero. To all those men. You could be a hero to these men, too." 

"I failed those men." Adolin said, studying the spren. 

"But you always came back. After you failed. That was what you forgot to do. That is what you must know." Maya said intently, and Adolin outstretched his palm, letting her sit on it. 

"You saying it can't hurt to try fleeing with those men?" 

Maya nodded. "You can't just leave them. Not when you have the spirit to heal them." 

Adolin pursed his lips and looked at those men and blinked. 

He had seen them as companions, just mere minutes ago. 

But now they seemed poor. Sodden. Pitiable. 

People who needed to be saved. 

Healed.

Adolin looked at Maya in wonder. Had this spren done to him what she had been asking him to do? 

Had she...healed him? Of his bleak outlook on life? 

He laughed, for the first time in eight months and grinned. "You really are something else, aren't you?" He asked to Maya. 

"To you, probably." The comment would have been sarcastic had it lacked Maya's simple innocence and Adolin shook his head, the grin not vanishing. 

Storms. It felt good to smile. To laugh, like he meant it. 

"Did I say something amusing?" Maya asked, tilting her head to one side in confusion. 

Adolin shook his head again. "In a way, yeah. You wanna know something?" 

"What is it?" Maya asked, jumping to his shoulder with a grace that left him staring in wonder. 

He blinked before answering. 

"Answer my question, will you?" 

"If I can answer." 

"I think you can answer it, which is why I'm asking...what do you think of those bridgemen?" Adolin asked, glancing at the sodden bridgemen. 

Maya peered. "They look....defeated." 

"I think, you're right and I should help them." 

"You are going to cultivate them?" 

Adolin had no idea what it meant, but he could guess. 

"Something like that." 

Maya, smiled for the first time since he had met her and Adolin couldn't help returning it. 

"That seems right." 

"Really?" Adolin asked, his smile widening. 

"Yes." Maya said, with a certainty Adolin wished he could regain. 

He could try. One last attempt. 

Why though? 

For one, Adolin felt like he should. 

For another reason, selfish as it came, he felt desperate to redeem himself, for being unable to help and save so many innocent people. 

If he could save them...wouldn't it make the world, _his_ world all the more brighter for it? 

Now. He had to do with what he got- which was validation from an odd yet wise woodland spren and the requested position of bridge leader. 

He could do something with those. 

"Maybe...I should ask for their names?" He wondered out loud, to no one in particular. 

To Adolin, his name was the only thing the lighteyes hadn't stolen from him. 

They hadn't stolen himself from him, even though, he realized with a pang of shame, he had almost let them. 

To Maya, her name had been the first thing she had remembered. 

That name had been the first clink in their strange little bond. The first thing Adolin had asked of her. 

Names held _worth_ in a way Adolin couldn't explain. 

And he was bridge leader- he could ask for whatever he wanted. 

Well, except for freedom, good food, good cologne and good clothes but that wasn't really the point. 

If he wanted to help out the bridgemen, he could start by forging bonds. Which he could start by asking for their names. 

With this epiphany of good will in mind, Adolin nodded to himself and marched up to the nearest bridgeman- a middle aged, leathery man with a salt and peppered beard, who was looking over the cliff bleakly. 

"Hello!" Adolin chirped, sitting down next to the man. 

The man blinked and looked at him, almost as if he were seeing something unreal. 

"Your name, friend?" Adolin soldiered on cheerfully. 

The man blinked again. "You asking me, son?" 

"You see anyone else I could be asking?" 

The man scowled. "What do you want to know it for?" 

Adolin shrugged, his back straighter than it had been in ages. "Well, I'm your new bridge leader. That may not be much but it does mean I can pretend to be able to order you around a little." 

The man gave him a disbelieving look. Adolin only grinned wider. 

"With that, I'd like to ask you for your name." 

This must have been the most the man had been spoken to in a while, and Adolin felt even more determined to save them. Or at least return them to society. 

"It's...Teft." 

"Great! Wasn't so hard, was it?" 

"No. But it was storming strange." Teft said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Adolin still smiled. "Tell you what's strange, the way," he looked over the cliff. "The way this thing is covered with mist even though there isn't even much water over here." 

Teft blinked again. "That actually is...kinda strange." 

"Tell me about it. I'm Adolin, by the way." 

"Sounds lighteyed." 

_Born into light._

"Lighteyes can storm off." Adolin said, waving a hand. 

Teft chuckled at the pathetic joke. "Kelek knows. Didn't know a cheerful kid like you could say something like that." 

Adolin snorted. "I'm in the bridge crews because of them, friend. I don't know about the cheerful thing, but I think," he said, getting up and stretching. "We can use a little cheer. Get ready for a storming hard bridge run." 

Teft raised an eyebrow. "How do you know it's going to be hard?" 

"Has it ever been easy?" Adolin asked, hand on a hip. 

Teft snorted, smiling slightly, the sight of which warmed Adolin. "Kelek knows it hasn't been." 

Adolin pat his shoulder. "Thanks for talking to me." 

Teft chuckled. "You didn't give me a choice, son." 

Adolin chuckled himself, smirking dryly and withdrawing his hand. "Would you have talked to me if I had given you a choice?" 

"Not really, I'd have asked you to storm off." Teft admitted. 

"See?" 

Teft exhaled in amusement as Adolin nodded and jogged off. 

He went around, asking for the names of the bridgemen to each member personally. 

Adolin, liked to think that they felt encouraged that somebody had asked them for their names. 

They had resisted, until he persisted, but eventually they did give in, like it was their last weapon. 

By the end of it all, Adolin laid on the ground as the rain drizzled on him, hands and legs spread wide. 

Maya appeared on his nose and he blinked, startled before breathing out in amusement. 

"Hey, Maya." 

"You're content, Adolin." She said, sitting down, eyes warm. 

Adolin laughed a bit. "Nah. I...don't think I can actually be ever happy but it doesn't mean I can't try now. I've got an idea of what I should do. That's good enough for now." 

Maya smiled. "I'm glad for you, Adolin."

The words warmed him, gave him strength and he felt...empowered, somehow. 

Adolin smiled back. "Nice to see someone is. Hey, Maya, you wanna learn something?" 

"What is it?" 

"I'm gonna talk to you about sarcasm..."

And for the first night in eight months, Adolin dreamt with hope. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said I was gonna add Sadeas' duel with Kaladin next, but eh, I wanted to write this since the draft papers have been sitting in my file for a year now. 
> 
> ALSO. PLEASEEEEEE GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS GUYS!! 
> 
> And, you can read this listening to James Paget's Dream Revived, somehow, I really like this guy's tracklist and it's perfect for Stormlight Archive. If ever there's a movie or TV series coming up, I think James Paget should do the soundtrack. 
> 
> (P.S Everybody, stay safe from the virus! 😣😷)


End file.
